Body Language Is Bullshit. Let’s Stop Pretending.
It’s a neat, tidy, and incredibly convenient fantasy for cops, bosses, and security guards.
Let’s be honest: the whole multi-million-dollar “body language” industry is built on a lie we were all pressured to learn.
It’s the lie that says your body is a traitor. That a stray glance, a slump in your chair, or the way you hold your hands is secretly broadcasting your deepest truths for any amateur Sherlock to decode. Arms crossed? Defensive. Looking away? Lying. Fidgeting? Nervous and hiding something.
It’s a neat, tidy, and incredibly convenient fantasy—especially for people whose jobs involve making snap judgments with thin evidence: cops, bosses, security guards, anyone with a clipboard and a little bit of power.
But it’s bullshit. All of it.
There is no universal dictionary for the human body.
That’s not an edgy opinion; it’s the conclusion of every serious study that isn’t trying to sell you a weekend seminar. The FBI’s own research shows that even their “expert” interrogators can’t detect lies from nonverbal cues any better than a coin flip.1
So why does the myth survive? Because it’s not about reading bodies—it’s about enforcing norms. It’s a tool for validating prejudice, dressed up as “insight.”
A white male CEO leans back in his chair and he’s “relaxed and in command.”
A Black kid does it and he’s “arrogant and disrespectful.”
A neurotypical person makes steady eye contact and they’re “confident and trustworthy.”
An autistic person doesn’t, and they’re “shifty and un-engaging.”
The interpretation doesn’t come from the body. It comes from the bias of the person doing the looking. Body-language “expertise” is just a permission slip to fall back on stereotypes and call it science.
And it’s not just a top-down problem. It’s a virus that spreads sideways.
Friends tell you to “smile more.” Parents tell you to “sit still.” Well-meaning mentors coach you on the perfect, sterile handshake. They’re trying to help you survive in a world that punishes anyone who doesn’t fit the template. But every time they do, they help rebuild the cage.
The worst part? We end up doing it to ourselves. We start policing our own bodies to make them “legible” to power. We sit on our hands to stop a stim. We practice a “professional” voice in the car before a meeting. We force a smile in conversations where we feel nothing but dread. We choke down our own instincts, our own comfort, our own ways of being—all to pass a test that was rigged from the start.
This isn’t self-improvement. It’s a form of colonization—the norms of the powerful occupying the territory of your own body.
So, fuck that.
The fight isn’t about learning to “read” people better. It’s about dismantling the system that gives certain people the unearned authority to “read” others at all. It’s about giving ourselves—and each other—the freedom to just be: tired, anxious, awkward, culturally different, neurodivergent—without it being twisted into a confession.
Your body isn’t leaking secrets. It’s just trying to exist. It’s time we started believing it.
Breaking Their Reflex (And Finding Yours)
Call Out the Fortune-Telling. When someone says, “He crossed his arms, he’s shut down,” say it plainly: “That’s a guess.” Or: “What if he’s just cold?” You don’t have to win—you just have to break the spell.
Flip the Lens. Instead of “He seems aggressive,” try “I’m reading him as aggressive—why is that?” Put the focus back where it belongs: on the interpreter’s biases, not the other person’s body.
Jam the Assembly Line. When a snap judgment is being made in a meeting, interview, or review, ask: “Hang on. What actual information do we have?” Be the wrench in the works of reflex bias.
Stop “Fixing” People. Ditch “You need to make more eye contact.” Try “What are you trying to get across?” Let people choose their own tools, not the ones that make observers comfortable.
Notice the Self-Policing. Feel that impulse to adjust your posture, smooth your face, or kill a fidget for someone else’s benefit? Notice it. You can still choose to do it as a survival tactic—but never again mistake it for a neutral, “natural” act. Reclaim it as a conscious choice, and you take back a piece of yourself.
This "coin flip" accuracy rate, more precisely around 54%, is one of the most robust findings in deception research. The definitive source is a meta-analysis of over 200 studies: Bond, C. F., Jr., & DePaulo, B. M. (2006). Accuracy of deception judgments. Personality and Social Psychology Review, 10(3), 214–234. Crucially, their analysis found this low accuracy rate applies equally to law enforcement professionals, who perform no better than laypeople despite their training.