Performance Reviews Mess With Your Head
For the unknowingly neurodivergent, they can be devastatingly confusing
Performance reviews are a normal part of working life. They’re supposed to help us see where we shine and where we can improve. But for people who are unknowingly neurodivergent—like those with autism, ADHD, dyslexia, or other neurotypes—these reviews can feel confusing and discouraging.
Without understanding why they think or act differently, they often get feedback that suggests there’s something "wrong" with them. They’re told to fix traits or behaviors that, in reality, are part of how their brain works, not professional shortcomings.
A lot of neurodivergent employees spend years “masking”—hiding their true selves to fit into a workplace that’s designed for neurotypical people. This takes a lot of mental energy, and performance reviews can push them to double down on this masking, reinforcing harmful self-beliefs.
Instead of helping them grow, feedback can make them feel like they’re failing, stuck in a loop of trying to fix things that aren’t really problems.
Let’s dive into some common examples of feedback neurodivergent employees receive and why these critiques can be damaging.
How Performance Reviews Get It Wrong
1. “Your input in meetings is appreciated, but you tend to agree with others rather than offering new ideas. We’d love to see more of your original thinking.”
For many neurodivergent people, meetings can be overwhelming. Group settings can trigger sensory overload, social anxiety, or a fear of being judged. It’s not that they don’t have original ideas—they’re often trying to manage the pressure of the moment by agreeing with the group. It feels safer than standing out.
False Belief Internalized:
“I’m not creative or smart enough to contribute something new.”
What’s Really Happening:
This person isn’t lacking in creativity; they’re just trying to get through an environment that feels stressful. Once they’re in a setting where they don’t feel overwhelmed, their original ideas often shine. Managers can help by creating a space where it feels safe to speak up without the fear of being judged.
2. “During large meetings or team events, you sometimes appear withdrawn or disconnected. We need you to be more present in these situations.”
Many neurodivergent people experience sensory overload in large or noisy settings. What looks like someone "checking out" is often just them trying to cope with an overwhelming environment. It’s a self-preservation tactic, not disengagement.
False Belief Internalized:
“I’m socially awkward or bad at being part of a team.”
What’s Really Happening:
The withdrawal is a response to overstimulation, not a sign of someone being antisocial or unmotivated. When environments are designed with neurodivergent needs in mind—like quieter spaces or more flexible participation—these employees can engage more fully.
3. “You take longer to make decisions, which can slow down processes. We need quicker decision-making in high-pressure situations.”
Neurodivergent individuals often approach decision-making in a more thorough, analytical way. They may take longer to process information and consider every angle before deciding. To them, it’s about making the right decision, not just making it fast.
False Belief Internalized:
“I’m slow, inefficient, and not cut out for fast-paced work.”
What’s Really Happening:
This person’s careful approach isn’t a flaw—it’s a strength. They’re being thoughtful and precise. In a world that values speed, we often forget that good decisions sometimes need more time. Forcing neurodivergent employees to rush their decision-making can lead to anxiety and mistakes. Giving them the space to think things through benefits everyone in the long run.
4. “You apologize frequently, even for small things. It can come across as a lack of confidence.”
Neurodivergent people often use apologizing as a social strategy. It’s a way of smoothing over interactions when they feel unsure of how they’re coming across or want to avoid conflict.
False Belief Internalized:
“I’m not confident or capable, and I’m always making mistakes.”
What’s Really Happening:
Frequent apologizing doesn’t always mean someone lacks confidence. It can be a way to manage social discomfort. Neurodivergent people often feel uncertain about how they’re perceived, so they apologize to keep interactions smooth. Critiquing this only deepens their insecurity. Instead, managers should focus on creating an environment where employees feel comfortable being themselves, without constantly second-guessing their every move.
5. “You’re professional, but sometimes you seem emotionally distant. It’s hard for colleagues to know how you feel about things.”
Many neurodivergent employees work hard to control their emotions in the workplace. They’ve learned that showing too much emotion can be seen as unprofessional, so they keep things bottled up. This can sometimes make them seem detached or cold.
False Belief Internalized:
“I’m bad at connecting with people and don’t belong in a social workplace.”
What’s Really Happening:
This “emotional distance” is often a deliberate attempt to maintain professionalism. But it can be misread as a lack of empathy or connection. Creating a culture that allows for more emotional authenticity could help neurodivergent employees feel more comfortable and connected.
The Damage of Misinterpreted Feedback
When performance reviews don’t take neurodivergence into account, they can reinforce negative self-beliefs. Feedback that focuses on things like slow decision-making, social awkwardness, or being emotionally distant often makes neurodivergent people feel even more alienated. They’re pushed to keep masking—hiding their true selves—just to fit in. Over time, this can lead to burnout, anxiety, and feelings of inadequacy.
But once neurodivergent people understand their brain differences, they often realize that these “flaws” were never flaws at all. They were simply coping mechanisms or different ways of thinking. When neurodivergent traits are supported instead of critiqued, they can actually become strengths that benefit the whole team.
How Workplaces Can Get It Right
1. Educate Managers on Masking and Neurodivergence
Managers should be aware that anyone might be masking neurodivergent traits. By understanding neurodiversity better, they can offer more thoughtful and effective feedback, without pushing people further into hiding their true selves.
2. Encourage Authenticity
Instead of valuing conformity, workplaces should encourage employees to bring their authentic selves to work. Neurodivergent employees need to feel safe expressing who they are, without worrying about fitting into neurotypical norms.
3. Create Sensory-Friendly Environments
Offering quiet spaces, minimizing sensory overload, and being flexible with meeting participation can help neurodivergent employees feel more comfortable and less drained by their work environment.
4. Promote Psychological Safety
Psychological safety means creating a workplace where employees feel secure enough to be themselves without fear of criticism or exclusion.
When employees feel safe to unmask, they bring fresh perspectives and creativity that can transform teams.
The Bottom Line
Performance reviews should be a tool for growth, not a source of self-doubt. For neurodivergent employees, traditional feedback often misses the mark, reinforcing damaging beliefs about who they are and what they can do.
By understanding neurodivergence better, workplaces can shift from focusing on what’s “wrong” with neurodivergent employees to recognizing the value they bring.
P.S. I ended up sharing one of my own performance reviews from 2022 with the clinician who did my formal autism diagnosis in 2024. She found it quite confirmatory. I did not get a promotion that year.