Do I Have the Energy to Start Over in Therapy?

Before my autism diagnosis, therapy—as it turned out—was reinforcing my masked self

Switching therapists can feel like a hassle, especially if you’ve already put years into the process. For a long time, I thought the therapy I was doing was working just fine. It helped me manage stress, anxiety, and the ups and downs of life. Over two years, I saw two different therapists, and I can’t say they didn’t help me at all—they did. But looking back, I realize something important: I was masking the whole time.

I didn’t even know I was masking until I was diagnosed with autism as an adult. That diagnosis made me look at therapy from a whole new perspective. I realized that while my previous sessions had been useful in some ways, they weren’t reaching the real issues I was dealing with. I had been presenting a version of myself I thought I needed to be, not the person I actually was. Therapy, as it turned out, was reinforcing that masked self rather than addressing who I truly was. That’s when I knew I needed to find a neurodiverse-affirming therapist.

The thing is, my old therapists were probably great at their jobs. They were kind and competent. The problem wasn’t them—it was that I hadn’t been showing up as my full self. If you’re wondering if it’s time to switch therapists, the key question is: are you really showing up as you? Or are you filtering yourself?

What Starting Over Really Means

1. Finding a New Therapist

The idea of finding a new therapist can feel overwhelming. I worried it would be like dating apps—scrolling through endless profiles and hoping for a match. But when I decided to switch, I wasn’t looking for just any therapist. I was looking for someone who understood neurodivergence and could work with me on my autistic identity.

Before my diagnosis, therapy was about managing stress and anxiety without touching on the root causes. Once I understood how central my neurodivergence was to my experience, the search didn’t feel as daunting. I knew exactly what I was looking for this time, which made the process feel more focused and less random.

2. Re-telling Your Story

A big part of switching therapists is re-telling your story, which can feel like a drag. No one likes having to explain themselves all over again, especially after you've already done the hard work of opening up.

But here’s the thing: I hadn’t really told my full story before. Masking meant I was only sharing bits and pieces that I thought would make sense to my therapist.

When I switched to a neurodiverse-affirming therapist, re-telling my story didn’t feel like starting over. It felt like I was telling it for the first time, without filtering myself. I was finally able to talk openly about things like sensory overload, executive dysfunction, and the exhaustion of masking. It was a huge relief.

3. Rebuilding Trust

Building trust with a therapist takes time, and I did trust my previous ones—to a point. But looking back, that trust was built on a curated version of myself. I wasn’t showing them my whole reality.

Switching to a therapist who understood neurodivergence felt different. Trust wasn’t this uphill climb because I wasn’t hiding anything.

From the first session, I didn’t have to explain why I was struggling in ways that seemed “odd” to others. They already understood, and that made the process of building real trust much quicker.

4. Adjusting to Their Approach

Switching therapists often means adapting to a new style. I was used to talk therapy, where we focused on short-term management of emotions and stress. When I switched to a neurodiverse-affirming therapist, the approach shifted toward things like self-acceptance and understanding how my brain works, not just how to cope with life’s stressors.

At first, this shift felt a little strange, but soon I realized it was what I’d been needing all along. We weren’t just trying to make me more “functional”; we were working on living authentically.

Why I Found My Previous Therapy Helpful, But Still Switched

1. My Previous Therapy Was Helpful—Up to a Point

I don’t regret my previous therapy. It helped me manage stress and anxiety, and I learned useful coping strategies. But we were dealing with surface-level issues, like managing stress, without touching the deeper stuff related to my neurodivergence. At the time, I didn’t know there was deeper stuff to address.

My therapists weren’t failing me; I just didn’t know I was masking. I wasn’t presenting the full picture, and that limited how much therapy could actually help.

2. Masking Made Progress Feel Hollow

Even though I was making progress in therapy, it didn’t feel as satisfying as it should have. I was learning strategies to manage anxiety, but these strategies were all based on fitting into neurotypical expectations. It wasn’t about understanding myself—it was about coping with the pressure to conform.

Once I realized how much I had been masking, continuing with the same kind of therapy no longer made sense. I didn’t need strategies to keep masking better. I needed support to figure out how to live authentically as myself.

3. I Needed a Therapist Who Understood Neurodivergence

My old therapists were good, but they didn’t specialize in neurodivergence. I didn’t even realize that was something I needed. But once I understood that my neurodivergence was a core part of my experience, I knew I needed a therapist who got it.

When I switched to a neurodiverse-affirming therapist, everything clicked. They didn’t need me to explain why certain things were hard for me—they just got it. Instead of trying to make me fit into neurotypical standards, we focused on understanding and accepting who I was. That shift was huge.

How to Know If It’s Time to Switch

If you’re on the fence about whether it’s time to switch therapists, ask yourself a few things:

• Are you masking in therapy? If you feel like you’re not fully yourself in your sessions—if you’re holding back or filtering—then therapy might not be addressing your real needs.

• Is therapy digging deep enough? If you’ve learned something significant about yourself, like a neurodivergence diagnosis, but your current therapy isn’t reflecting that, it might be time to switch.

• Do you feel like you’re really growing? If therapy feels stuck, or if you’re not making the kind of progress you want, a fresh approach might make a big difference.

Starting over can feel like a lot of work, but when therapy meets you where you actually are, the process becomes much more rewarding.

Are you thinking about switching therapists? Avoiding it because you're not sure about your bandwidth?