Defining Love
Nobody is going to show you what love is. Love is being allowed to do things nobody has shown you.
Love has been distorted. The traditional narratives about love, whether romantic or communal, have been shaped by societal expectations that focus on control, conformity, and conditional acceptance.
Love is often treated as something to be earned, possessed, or controlled—an emotion laden with obligations, judgments, and demands.
This narrow view of love has turned it into a transaction, something to be commodified and measured based on how well individuals meet expectations, fulfill roles, or conform to a partner’s or society’s idea of what love should be. But what if love was something different? What if love wasn’t about performance or conformity but about freedom, consent, and mutual care? What if love was the ultimate act of liberation, both for individuals and for communities?
This essay presents a new way of thinking about love—one that rejects the distorted models society has imposed and instead embraces love as radical freedom, where personal growth, autonomy, and collective support are the foundations of connection.
The Essence of Love: Radical Freedom and Autonomy
At its core, love is freedom. True love should allow individuals the space to grow into their most authentic selves. It should not be about control, judgment, or pressure to conform to someone else’s expectations. Too often, love becomes a space of coercion, where people are asked to perform a specific role in exchange for affection or approval. This reduces love to a transactional exchange, stripping it of its power to nurture true connection.
In this new framework, love is not about what someone can do for you or how well they meet your needs. It is about recognizing and supporting another person’s autonomy—their right to grow, change, and evolve on their own terms. Love, in this sense, is the environment where freedom thrives, where individuals are accepted for who they are without the need to suppress or mask parts of their identity.
To love someone is to embrace their autonomy, to create a space where they are free to explore their identity, desires, and personal growth without fear of judgment or rejection. This type of love requires us to let go of the need for control, to relinquish our desire to mold someone else into a version of themselves that serves our own needs. Instead, we must adopt a mindset of radical freedom, where love is an act of liberation, not possession.
Beyond Conditional Love: Toward Radical Acceptance
In our distorted understanding of love, there is often an implicit message: love must be earned. We are taught that to be loved, we must meet certain conditions—we must fulfill a role, behave in certain ways, or conform to an expectation. This creates a dynamic where love becomes conditional, something that can be withdrawn if those expectations are not met.
This form of conditional love is a distortion of the true nature of connection. Conditional love teaches us that we are only worthy of affection or acceptance if we perform well enough, if we play by the rules, if we stay within the lines of what someone else wants from us. This pressure to conform diminishes our ability to be fully seen and loved for who we truly are.
In this new vision of love, we reject the notion of conditional love and embrace radical acceptance. Love is not something that is given or withheld based on how well we meet another’s needs or expectations. It is a space of complete acceptance—a place where individuals are not only allowed but encouraged to be their full, complex, evolving selves.
This radical acceptance doesn’t mean that relationships are devoid of boundaries or conversations about needs. Instead, it means that love isn’t contingent on perfection or conformity. It means embracing the complexity of being human—celebrating the ways in which we change, evolve, and surprise each other. In this way, love becomes a supportive force, not a restrictive one.
Reframing Love in Communities: Consent and Mutual Aid
This new understanding of love isn’t limited to romantic relationships. It extends to the way we interact within our communities. Just as love in personal relationships should be based on autonomy and mutual respect, so too should love in communities be rooted in affirmative consent and mutual aid.
Communities should not be spaces where individuals feel forced to conform or meet predefined expectations. Instead, communities should be places of mutual support, where people come together out of shared values, but where there is also room for personal growth and individual autonomy. In this vision, communities adapt to the evolving needs of their members rather than enforcing rigid norms or behaviors.
When communities are built on mutual aid, they become spaces where love is expressed through collective care. Mutual aid is the practice of supporting one another’s well-being, not out of obligation but out of a shared belief in the importance of each person’s autonomy and growth. It is love on a broader, collective level, where care is extended beyond the romantic or familial and is seen as a fundamental part of how we relate to each other in society.
Reclaiming Love from Commodification and Control
One of the greatest distortions of love in modern society is its commodification. In a capitalist world, love is often treated as something to be acquired, possessed, or controlled. We are taught that love is a resource, one that must be earned or traded, rather than a space of mutual liberation.
This commodification turns love into a form of capital—something we must accumulate or demonstrate in order to gain social status or personal validation. It reduces relationships to transactions, where each person’s value is determined by how well they fulfill a specific role or expectation. This turns love into a scarcity economy, where we feel constantly judged by how much we can offer or receive.
But love cannot be owned, traded, or controlled. In this new way of thinking, love is about relinquishing control and embracing freedom. It is about nurturing the autonomy of others, not seeking to possess or manage them. This requires a fundamental shift in how we view love—not as something to be controlled or consumed but as something to be freely given and received in ways that prioritize liberation over ownership.
Love as an Adaptive Process
In this new vision of love, it is not a static emotion. Love is not something that we achieve and then maintain through consistent behavior. Instead, love is an adaptive process, one that grows and changes along with the individuals involved.
True love requires flexibility—the ability to hold space for change and evolution. In this sense, love is a dynamic, living force, one that is capable of shifting as individuals grow. This adaptability is key to ensuring that love remains a space of freedom. When love becomes rigid or static, it risks becoming coercive—forcing people to stay the same in order to maintain the relationship.
To love someone, then, is to provide them with the space to grow and evolve, knowing that the love itself can adapt to meet the new needs and identities that arise. Love becomes a process of mutual discovery, where both individuals are free to change and learn about themselves and each other without fear of judgment or rejection.
A Call to Action: Redefining Love for a New Era
We live in a time where the traditional narratives of love—narratives that focus on control, possession, and performance—are no longer sufficient. These distorted understandings of love have left us feeling disconnected, judged, and unable to fully express our true selves.
This new way of thinking about love offers a different path. It asks us to reject conditional love, to reject control, and to reject the commodification of love that turns relationships into transactions. Instead, it calls us to embrace radical freedom, where love is rooted in autonomy, mutual aid, and adaptability.
This vision of love is not just about romantic relationships—it is about how we relate to each other in all aspects of life. It is about building communities where individuals are free to grow, and where collective care is a fundamental value. It is about creating spaces where love is a force for liberation, not judgment or control.
In this new era of love, we can begin to unlearn the distortions that have held us back and embrace a future where love truly is freedom.