Defining Consent
From One Human to Another
When we talk about consent, the conversation often focuses on sexual boundaries and respecting the autonomy of others in intimate settings. While this is an essential part of the discussion, I believe consent goes far beyond that. Consent is about mutual agreement, respect, and understanding between people in all interactions—whether it’s in friendships, romantic relationships, or even day-to-day exchanges. It’s about seeing another person not as someone to meet your needs, but as an individual with their own boundaries, desires, and limitations. Consent is foundational to every meaningful connection we build as human beings.
So, from one human to another, I want to expand the way we approach love, relationships, and expectations. Too often, we assume certain roles and responsibilities without ever discussing them. We enter relationships with unspoken agreements that we’ll act in particular ways simply because it’s expected of us. And, in turn, we expect the same from others. This lack of communication erodes consent.
But what if we approached every interaction—every relationship—with the same respect for consent that we bring to our most intimate moments? What if we could openly express our needs and limitations, and allow others the freedom to do the same? What if we made agreements based on mutual understanding rather than assumptions?
This kind of consent culture transcends the sexual realm. It touches every part of how we engage with others, and in doing so, it transforms love into something more intentional, flexible, and respectful.
Unspoken Expectations: The Silent Thief of Consent
In many relationships, particularly long-term ones, we carry a set of unspoken expectations. Perhaps we assume that our partner will always provide emotional support, or that we will take on specific household tasks. Maybe we believe that love means always being there for each other, no questions asked. While these expectations might seem harmless, they’re often based on assumptions, not agreements. And when consent is missing, relationships can falter under the weight of silent obligations.
Here’s the key issue: assumptions aren’t consent. Just because you’ve been doing something for a while doesn’t mean you’ve agreed to do it forever. Just because someone has come to expect something from you doesn’t mean you owe it to them. Consent, at its heart, is an ongoing conversation. It’s not something you give once and never revisit. It requires regular check-ins, openness, and, most importantly, respect for boundaries.
Unspoken expectations lead to resentment and burnout. You might feel overwhelmed because you’re giving more than you signed up for, or the other person might feel neglected because their needs aren’t being met. This doesn’t happen because people are unwilling to care for each other, but because no one ever talked about what they could reasonably give. Consent was never part of the equation.
Imagine if we could replace these silent agreements with conversations. Instead of assuming what your partner, friend, or colleague needs from you, you simply ask. Instead of expecting someone to fulfill your needs automatically, you communicate what you’re looking for and invite them to say yes or no. This is the foundation of consent—asking, listening, and respecting the answer.
Signing Up for Expectations: A Consent-Based Approach to Relationships
In my view, love and relationships work best when they are built on a foundation of consent. This means that, rather than assuming responsibilities, we consciously “sign up” for what we are willing and able to give in a relationship—whether it’s emotional support, practical tasks, or simply being present for one another. Consent isn’t just about saying yes or no to physical touch; it’s about agreeing to the roles and expectations we take on in any relationship.
Let’s say your partner is going through a difficult time and needs emotional support. Rather than silently taking on the role of the supporter, why not have an open conversation? You might say, “I want to be there for you, but I’m feeling overwhelmed too. How can we support each other right now?” This conversation invites honesty and respect for both people’s needs. It allows for boundaries and ensures that the support given is sustainable, not forced.
By signing up for expectations—by agreeing to the roles we can reasonably fill—relationships become more balanced. There’s no sense of one person sacrificing themselves for the other. Instead, both people maintain their autonomy while supporting each other in ways that feel genuine and possible.
The Freedom to Make Requests: Asking Without Demanding
Another crucial aspect of consent is the freedom to make requests without demanding compliance. Often, we assume that if we need something, the other person should automatically provide it. But that’s not how consent works. Making a request means giving the other person the opportunity to choose—to say yes or no based on their capacity at the time. It’s an invitation, not a demand.
For example, you might say, “I’m really anxious about work and would love to talk about it with you later.” This allows the other person to either agree to help or set boundaries, such as saying, “I’m here for you, but I need some quiet time before we talk.” In this way, both people exercise consent—the freedom to express needs and the right to choose how to respond to them.
This dynamic builds trust. By fostering a culture of open requests, neither person feels taken for granted or obligated to meet needs they haven’t agreed to fulfill. Consent, in this context, ensures that each person’s boundaries are respected, and the relationship remains balanced and healthy.
Flexibility in Relationships: Consent Isn’t Static
One of the most critical aspects of consent is its flexibility. Just because you’ve agreed to something once doesn’t mean you’re locked into that role forever. In healthy relationships, we constantly check in with each other. We ask, “Are you still okay with this?” or “Do you need anything different from me right now?”
Life changes, and so do we. The capacity to give and receive shifts with time and circumstance. Perhaps you used to be the emotional rock in your relationship, but now you need support. Maybe one person is facing burnout and needs to pull back on some responsibilities. Consent allows for these shifts. It gives each person the space to adapt without guilt or resentment.
In a consent-based relationship, both partners are empowered to say when they need something to change. This adaptability keeps the relationship strong and ensures that both people continue to feel respected and cared for.
Consent as Collaboration: Love is a Two-Way Street
Ultimately, consent in relationships isn’t just about saying yes or no to certain actions—it’s about creating a dynamic of mutual respect and collaboration. It’s about building a relationship where both people feel empowered to express their needs, set boundaries, and give what they can without feeling overwhelmed.
Love, at its core, is not about fulfilling a set of unspoken obligations or sacrificing your own needs to meet someone else’s. It’s about intentional care, where both people participate in creating a relationship that works for them. It’s about making requests with the understanding that the other person has the freedom to say no and offering support in ways that feel sustainable for you.
Expanding Consent Culture
As human beings, we need to start thinking about consent as something that extends beyond physical boundaries. Consent is the foundation of every interaction—whether it’s in friendships, romantic partnerships, or even professional settings. By moving away from unspoken expectations and embracing a consent-based approach to love and relationships, we create connections built on mutual respect, trust, and understanding.
From one human to another, let’s expand what consent means. Let’s make space for communication, for checking in, and for respecting each other’s boundaries.
Let’s stop assuming and start asking. Because when we build relationships on the foundation of consent, we create something deeper, more meaningful, and truly collaborative. That’s the kind of love and respect we all deserve.